treat me like a prostitute

BDSM. you may not think you're into it. you are. you just don't know it yet. maybe having someone tie you up and spank you. maybe they step on your balls in high heels. maybe they pee in your mouth. maybe they take a huge steaming crap on your chest. anyway you like it, and the result is always the same...you don't know why you want it, you hate it during, but it feels awesome when they stop. then you thank them for the humiliation and pay them way too much money. and you want to go back. you love it. i'm a victim as much as you are...but we're in a special club that uncool people aren't a part of. we call them boutique shops.

let me give you an example:

SUPREME


used to be a local skateshop in manhattan. now they have only art boards on the wall. countless numbers of idiots flock there religiously to stand in line for days to purchase super limited product. my first purchase at supreme was a hat. nothing limited, but the treatment was as if there were a hundred people outside.

grabbed the hat from the shelf, and walked to the counter. the teenager leaning on it, looked past me, watching people outside. an uncomfortable amount of time passed before he looked at me. saying nothing, he walked away from me, into the back room, came back out with the same hat, obviously from a box. he muttered something about it being a display hat. so i put my hat back. the hat i wanted to purchase, that he had retrieved for me, was placed on the counter.

he then resumed leaning on the counter, and then looked past me once again. i stood there, again an uncomfortable amount of time passed, this time with my wallet out, and the hat in front of me on the counter. there the teenager remained ignoring me. sometime later a guy came out, on a cordless phone talking very loudly about something business. he looked at my hat, typed something into the computer, my total magically came up on the display in front of me. he yanked the cash out of my hand, he typed some more, pulled out my change (bills and coins) threw them on the counter...with coins rolling everywhere. closed his till and walked into the back room...all with one hand. he never even looked at me or stopped his conversation on the phone. the teenager waited till he left. got up slowly, pulled out a bag and tossed the hat inside. he then resumed his relaxed position.
and guess what? i thanked him. ignored? yep. treated like shit? check. no goodbye? not at all...but man was i stoked that i got that hat. and i went back a couple times to get other hats.

here's another example:

One On One


they are a coffee shop on Washington ave. with a full restaurant coffee shop operating in the front, and a bike shop in the back. what the amazing part is, they have an incredible collection of junk bikes and vintage frames downstairs. loving the thrill of the hunt, i headed into the "boneyard". i spent a good hour down there. digging through junk, sorting through good bikes and sweet frames, till i found the one. it was old. it was set up for exactly what i needed. it was a sweet deal, it was an incredible sparkly green. this bike had character, and i wanted it. i carried it upstairs and rolled it through the coffeeshop, and into the tiny shop in the back. big ass smile on my face. the two guys working ignored me when i came in. so i approached the case. one guy looked at me. then went back to airblasting the crud out of a frame. so i spoke up and asked the airblaster, if he could answer a few questions before i bought it...


me "whats the size on the seat post here, it looks a little small"
airblaster "yeah. thats a FRENCH frame."
me "so....is it possible to find a modern piece to fit, it looks smaller?"
airblaster " its a FRENCH frame. FRENCH sizing."
me "ok....so...smaller? the stem is going to be odd as well?"
airblaster "that is an older bike sizing"
me "um.....ok......which is?"
airblaster (now real loudly) "pssh...i don't know, probably a 22.0 blah blah blah"
me (moving on totally confused) "so the drop outs on the back are what, a 120, or 130mm?"
airblaster (really annoyed) "that only works for bikes after 1990, that is a old FRENCH frame"
me (still confused) "so, then what size is it?"
airblaster "i don't know like a 126mm"
me "126?"
airblaster "yeah, i said 126mm."

he gave me a dirty look, and went back to looking busy. the other guy eventually came over and rang me up.
and guess what? i thanked them. i loved it. it makes my new bike seem so much more awesome.

Supreme? assholes. total dicks. but i want a 100% original dick made hat.
One On One? ruthless pricks. the Twin Tone of bikes. i'm sorry i wanted to buy a bike, i thought thats what you sold.

what im trying to say is, the cool kids won't let you play cause you're not part of the club. elitist? pretentious? just plain snobs? you'd think you're going to shop at a place of business. but you're wrong. a boutique shop is where you go to pay for a service. a hat? fuck it i'll go to supreme and have them shit on my chest for 30 bucks. a pair of shoes? no thanks, just slap my ass till its beet red, then pee on it. i'll walk home barefoot. just to say i was there, and loved it.
no matter what the service, a boutique shop is still a business. maybe forcing your customers through a vigorous master/slave whipping, might not be the best way to get them to return. maybe customers should know that club membership is needed to participate before purchase...

on a related note, here's some other groups you can try to be a part of, spend way too much money on, and in the end, only get dirty looks for trying to fit in:

Dungeons and Dragons.



people take this shit seriously. if you didn't read the manual, don't have your own character already made, and you don't speak as if you're the character presently, then don't even try. real players dress up like their character, and extreme players actually duel it out to demonstrate the fight you just rolled dice over.

Magic the Gathering.


there are world championships for this game. spend ridiculously huge amounts of money on packets or random cards in the hopes of getting some cards that will give you an upperhand against your opponent. spend money, get your ass kicked playing against a pure form of elitist, who is most likely 15-35, fat, and a virgin.