things that go through my head in a day

Dear Taylor,

at first glance you're the kind of girl that would make me chew off my left hand just to touch you. with that sassy country twang i basically would sell one of my kidney's to buy you expensive jewelry... only to hear you say my name, no need for a thank you. and im sure even in sweatpants tucked into ugg boots, no make up, and a collar ripped xl hoodie, you'd be the most adorable thing on the planet.
but then, you're blonde.
the initial shock of being near you would wain so quickly once i realized you're a bratty jesus freak with no concern for anyone other than yourself...and maybe Miley Cyrus. i'd end up doing all those cute things only to get you to notice me 5 minutes of your day, in the hopes you'd take your clothes off. by that point i'd have already avoided boredom by taking full advantage of putting you through any compromising, embarrassing, totally selfish sexual act i could convince you to partake in.
after that i'd probably just prolong the eventual break-up, by telling you anything you'd never expect a guy to say, and then subject you to verbal abuse at random until you're wiling to sleep outside my doorstep in the hopes that you just get to see me.

if you were only brunette or auburn-haired,
things probably could have worked out
love,
jake.