dates || hospitals.

so, this morning the topic of dating briefly came up between matt k, puck & i. this reminded me of a story that a lot of people have heard, but i figured that since it's "funny," i would post it.

a long time ago (when i still lived in colorado), a friend of mine gave my aim name to a friend of his, thinking that it would be a good idea for us to hang out. i talk to the guy online a little bit & not surprisingly, he's a total locust-hipster music snot. & since all i cared about was music, it was a perfect match. his modern day equivalent would probably be someone like this guy.


i agree to hang out with him, & the plan is to meet at double entendre (which was an amazing record store in denver). i arrive on time, make small chat with paul, the owner, & dig through the records. i am overcome with joy when i spot harvest's "living with a god complex" on vinyl. 45 minutes later, my date hadn't arrived yet. after another 10 or 15 minutes he finally shows up. he obviously doesn't have money to afford water to shower, but is decked head to toe in designer clothing. with shaggy, wavey-ish blonde hair, this guy couldn't possibly have been more NOT my type.

so after he talks vinyl cred with paul for awhile, we finally leave. our "date" consisted of going to see his band play. his christian metal band, playing at a christian bookstore. had i known this before hand, obviously i would have never agreed. we get to the venue & he does whatever he needs to do, & then asks me if i want to go eat. okay.

he does not ask me where i want to eat, doesn't ask me if i'm vegetarian or have any preferences about where to go, etc. we start walking, me following him. where do we end up?

yup, that's right. classy as hell. we eat & then go back to the show, which was obviously horrible. while he is loading up his stuff after the show, i PAGE (yes, PAGE) my friend to call my cell phone asap, so i can pretend i have some kind of situation i need to take care of. the plan works, & boy drives me back to my car.

i have no idea what he thought of me this whole time, but i was terrified that he would try to kiss me or do something uncomfortable as i was awkwardly saying my goodbye. i'm in such a rush to get out that i 1) leave my harvest LP in his car & 2) slam my finger in the door. it didn't just get smashed, it got CRUSHED because the door managed to latch shut. with my finger in it.

i quickly open the door & he asks me if i'm okay. i just say oh yeah i'm fine, without even looking at my finger, because i don't want to be around him another second. i get to my car & sit down & look at my finger, which has now started gushing blood & i realize that it really, REALLY hurts. i call my dad, sobbing, explaining that i think i need to go to the hospital when i get home. my dad was obviously a little confused.

my finger wasn't broken, but i did get to spend a good 2-3 hours in the emergency room waiting for my stitches.
i never talked to the boy again, & i never got my harvest record back.

in conclusion, this is why i don't go on dates.